These are from our senior year together at the eponymous house in which we lived. New quotes will be added as they become available (or if I can see into the future.)
Senior year quotes:
— In Memory of Texas Pete: Perhaps he is the Jesus of the centipedes. — Tony
— A good craftsman never blames his tools and you, sir, are quite the tool. — Kevin, to Dan
— The “Amy” story is one of misunderstanding, whereas the “Beth Sherman” story is one of colossal stupidity. — Dan, to Tony
— This is not a pants-optional household! — Kevin
— If the short form of roommate is “roomie”, is the short form of housemate “homie”? Have I uncovered its etymology? — Tony
— I believe we have “whitewashed” it now, if you will. — Dan
— If I was a congressman, I would address everything “Dear F*ckface: Your rambling problems aren’t my concern. I don’t care if your neighbor’s cat does poop on your lawn. I don’t give a flying f*ck. If you want results, make some money and hire a lobbyist.” — Tony (August 30th, 2006), on the futility of writing to your congressman
Tony: The trick is to find something that will amuse her but not offend her.
Kevin: “My penis is the size of a dump truck. That’s why they call me dump truck. Or at least my penis.”
Tony: I’m pretty sure that would affend her though. Women are weird like that.
Kevin: They can’t just be happy that your penis has its own internal combustion engine.
Kevin: If I can’t be funny, I might as well be easy.
Kevin: Everything I do is either for the ladies or for the money. And because there are no ladies involved, it’s for the money.