Tony’s enemies list

Some of you who are fans of Stephen Colbert (if you aren’t, you should be) may claim “Stop! You are stealing from a real American hero!” This is not true, however. I stole the idea from Moe Szylak of Simpsons fame. In “Homer’s Enemy” (4F19), Moe shows Barney his enemies list. Barney remarks that it looks just like Richard Nixon’s enemies list, only with Moe’s name on top instead of Nixon’s. Then Moe adds “Barney… Gumble.” So, that’s where it came from. You may notice some parallels between my enemies list and Richard Nixon’s. This is purely coincidental. For example, we both hate the sun. Without further ado, the list:

– The sun
– Onions
– Poison
– Communists (particularly Karl Marx)
– Hippies
– John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Chuck Hagel, Dick Durbin, Harry Reid
– Jane Fonda
– Traitors
– Terrorists
– Alex Rodriguez
– Art Modell
–The morons who keep giving Derek Jeter Gold Gloves
– Bees
– Chance
– Tornadoes
– The New York Yankees
– The Pittsburgh Steelers
– The Baltimore Ravens
– The Detroit Red Wings
– Lines (or “queues”)
– Iowa
– Cabbage
— Charles deGaulle
— Daylight Savings Time
— Daniel Pinchbeck
— The Undead
— Snow
— February
— Scot Pollard
— Hawk Harrelson
— Naomi Wolf
— Stanley Bear
— Howard Dean
— MSI motherboard manual writers
— Friedrich Nietzsche
— Vampire Weekend
— Julian Assange
— Pepsi Max
— Don McLeroy
— Chip Kelly
— Murray Chass
— Donald Sterling