I think I need to take a shower now. Possibly in acid.

As is well known, my personal politics are to the right of Genghis Khan. So, when a friend of mine recommend I try this quiz, the result was horrifying.

I’m a centrist. (If you take the quiz, I count as a pickup populist.)

Now, obviously, this is incredibly shallow (as all such quizzes are), but I offer a few explanations for why it claims I’ve drifted to the left.

1. I’m an atheist. I’ve written about this before. A decent sized chunk of the GOP platform these days directly or indirectly involves religion.

2. I’m honestly totally okay with gay marriage. Again, my posting history proves this. This is another red-button (hah!) issue with the GOP these days. I am firmly apathetic on most social issues. I do not believe gay marriage will lead to the decay of western civilization — that’s what cell phones are for.

3. I really think there ought to be background checks when purchasing firearms. While Kevin will undoubtedly counter with something like “do you also want them for kitchen knives, you pinko commie?”, I’m not advocating repealing the 2nd Amendment. I just want psychopaths or criminals to be killing people with swords and not guns. Because that would be awesome.

In all seriousness, it is physically and psychologically more difficult for human beings to stab/slice/dismember one another than it is to shoot them. Think of the current debates around drone warfare, as an example. Therefore, unless you’re relatively sane and/or haven’t been caught at a crime yet, I say stick to close quarters combat. It works better for everyone that way.

Also, I cannot emphasize this enough: swords need to make a comeback.

4. There are only two real options in the USA — Republican or Democrat. There was no checkbox for “enlightened despotism.” If Frederick the Great showed up today and said, “look, I’ll make America even more awesome, only we have to get rid of democracy”, I would immediately sign up.


One thought on “I think I need to take a shower now. Possibly in acid.

  1. Strangely enough, I’m not going to take an online quiz from Esquire as indicative of the state of American politics. I thought about taking it for myself to see my results out of morbid curiosity, but when I saw all of the Javascript I’d have to enable to get the thing to run I decided not to.

    Skipping three of your four points, I’m going to focus on #3 because that’s the one where I come in. I don’t know what the exact question is, but if “should there be background checks before purchasing firearms?” is the actual question, and if “Yes” is the centrist-friendly answer, then the NRA was until very recently centrist on the position… Background checks as such aren’t particularly controversial. The controversy comes in two dimensions: expansion and failure. In the first case, would expanding background checks provide a significant improvement in terms of safety? No, not really. We already have background checks before purchase of firearms. What’s the next step that would actually cause gain? Unless you’re talking about mandating background checks before already-illegal black market firearms sales occur. This would be funny as a comedy sketch but wouldn’t go over very well as actual policy.

    Secondly, the reason that the NRA has backed off from background checks is that they’ve failed (fancy that, me talking about government failure; it’s like this is a theme for me). In this case, the failure comes because the government is checking the wrong people. Here’s a protip: most people who legally purchase firearms don’t do so in order to commit felonies afterward. Generally, we see felonies committed with stolen guns (most of which get fenced before the crime) or purchased by girlfriends or other non-felons. So basically, blocking people from getting access to firearms through one mechanism just means that they go through a second mechanism. And background checks do nothing about those other mechanisms I mentioned.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s