For those who don’t watch wrestling, John Cena was recently “fired” in a storyline. Now, there are only a few immutable laws in wrestling:
1) If there’s food on camera, it will end up on somebody.
2) No contract signing has ever ended without fisticuffs breaking out.
3) Any trophy too large to fit in the palm of your hand will inevitably be destroyed.
4) Any talk show type segment (Piper’s Pit, Peep Show, Cutting Edge, etc.) will breakdown into chaos.
And, perhaps the most important rule (yet arbitrarily not no. 1)
5) Nobody is ever actually fired or retires on TV. They’re either hurt or you’ll get a zany new character that is exactly the same as the old one but with a clever new nickname or disguise. Retirements never stick unless the wrestler is crippled or dead.
The funniest example of the “nobody ever gets fired for real” is definitely Mr. America.
It’s worth watching, even for non-wrestling fans. The general crux of the situation is that Mr. America is not Hulk Hogan, since Hulk Hogan was fired by Vince McMahon. All sorts of shenanigans result, including a lie detector test and the stupidest fan’s poll in history: Who is Mr. America? Perhaps Doink the Clown?
WWE went and one upped itself. From 411 Mania, we discovered the brilliant new persona of John Cena.
Answer below the fold for those who don’t like spoilers. Continue reading