I decided I’m going to call the WrestleMania card. Read it if you want to (most people don’t). You can find out in a month if I was right or not, when I update the post. Without further ado:
24 MAN BATTLE ROYAL TO FACE CHAVO GUERRERO FOR ECW TITLE
A whole bunch of people are in this; I think Kane will win, simply because he hasn’t gotten a title shot in a long time and a face needs to get the title off of Chavo. This will give CM Punk something better to do.
ECW TITLE: KANE VS CHAVO GUERRERO (C)
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: SANTINO & CARLITO VS HARDCORE HOLLY & CODY RHODES (C)
This is a shot in the dark; I’m not even sure either tag belts will be defended, but this is the only real match they’ve had any build to. Given that we’ll see four other title changes (if I’m right), I pick Holly and Rhodes to retain.
Update: Carlito is now part of MITB, so this match won’t happen.
ECW TITLE MATCH: CM PUNK VS CHAVO GUERRERO JR. (C)
Given that Punk has totally owned Chavo at every turn, I expect this match (as yet unannounced) to be a Punk victory. The only way Punk would lose is if he’s going to Smackdown, and I think even then he won’t lose. Punk is way too popular and Chavo is a stopgap champion at best.
UPDATE: They’re going with the whole 24 man battle royal thing, and since CM Punk is in Money in the Bank, this match can’t happen. Unless Punk wins and cashes in the chance. Which he won’t.
US TITLE MATCH: MVP (C) VS MATT HARDY
Another unannounced match I fully anticipate happening. Hardy has to win the match or this feud, as awesome as it has been, will be completely deflated. We need a payoff, and provided Hardy is healthy, I think we’ll see at WM. Could be the scene stealer of the night.
UPDATE: MVP’s in MITB, too. Matt Hardy is currently not on the card; some suggest he’ll be the unannounced 8th man. Who knows?
CANDICE MICHELLE ASHLEY & MARIA VS VICTORIA MELINA AND BETH PHOENIX
I don’t even remember who’s in this match and it has been announced; that’s how little I care. Maria will win because she’s in Playboy.
Updated: It’s Melina, not Victoria.
Update to the update: Candice got hurt, so Ashley’s taking her place.
BRAND SUPERIORITY: BATISTA VS UMAGA
This will be an awesome match, if I’ve guessed right on who Smackdown has picked. Batista currently has nothing to do, and I highly doubt he’ll be in Money in the Bank. I really, really hope they’re kidding about Paul Burchill taking Umaga’s spot. He’s been on RAW for like two weeks. Anyway, Batista wins this match, but it’ll be a hell of a fight.
Updated: In the words of Stephen Colbert, nailed it!
FLOYD MAYWEATHER JR. VS BIG SHOW
Big Show will win. I love the build but I’m uncertain about the match.
CAREER THREATENING MATCH: SHAWN MICHAELS VS RIC FLAIR
Flair will either win and retire or lose and retire. I wish they’d built this match a bit more; have HBK pretend he won’t do it, let him draw a little heat, then decide the week before he’ll do it. I think Orton v. Flair would have been better, but HBK is money at Wrestlemania and I think he’ll do well. My gut says Flair loses, but puts on a hell of a fight. This is the toughest call of the night; it could easily end with a double count out or DQ.
Update: HBK did an AWESOME job on 3/24 RAW turning heel. Will he stay that way or is this a one match thing? We’ll find out!
MONEY IN THE BANK: MR KENNEDY VS
JEFF HARDY MVP VS JERICHO VS SHELTON BENJAMIN VS CARLITO VS CM PUNK VS JOHN MORRISON
I don’t care if the last two are RVD and Kane (although I would mark like a little bitch if it were RVD and Kane); Jeff Hardy needs to win a big match and this is where he’ll do it. Kennedy’s a dark horse.
UPDATE: There is a chance Matt Hardy will show up; I doubt he will win, though. I’m going to do a column on this later; suffice it to say, I think Punk will win and take his step forward.
FINLAY VS JBL
Finlay. He’s way too over with the fans and given how JBL treated Hornswaggle, there’s no way Finlay will lose.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: UNDERTAKER VS EDGE (C)
Edge would become a legend in one night if he beat Taker cleanly; ending The Streak would permanently put him over. I’m not sure Edge needs the rub, but if he gets it, he’ll be even more insufferable. I’m going out on a limb; there are too many other obvious title changes, and somebody needs to retain a major title; I think Edge will do so here. Maybe he’ll win by DQ, preserving his title and the streak. I’d be thrilled if Taker won, but he’s not going to be around forever and I’m not sure there’s another superstar would benefit more from the rub than Edge. Edge wins, either by DQ or cleanly, but he wins.
WWE TITLE MATCH: JOHN CENA VS TRIPLE H VS RANDY ORTON (C)
I really, really, REALLY wish Orton had a snowball’s chance in hell at retaining, but he doesn’t. Orton has been built well, but not well enough that he could win between Cena AND HHH. Weirdly, the champ is by far the underdog. I don’t think they’ll put the title back on Cena so soon; it’s going to HHH, probably by pinning Orton. Although if Taker beats Edge, Orton’s chances go from 0% to 1%.
I don’t think I’ve missed anything. I really hope they don’t go with a Celebrity Battle Royal. It’s possible Miz & Morrison could put the Tag Team Titles on the line too, likely against Jesse & Festus. I think, if Edge retains, the Edgeheads will get the gold, but not for a while yet. I reserve the right to make updates for additional matches and if the matches I have called don’t happen, but I will not change my predictions.