First off, sapiens is a participle in Latin. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A HOMO SAPIEN. Now that we’ve got that out of the way…
Assume, for a moment, that you have a decision to make. To simplify, it is a binary decision, i.e. A or not-A (or, if you like, A or B). Here is the male decision tree:
Choice — Obligation? — Cost-benefit? — Decision.
As you can see here, the man has a choice to make. First, he determines whether he actually has a decision to make, i.e. is it obligatory? Second, he generally weighs several factors to determine whether he benefits or not. Now, there’s a case to be made for short term vs. long term benefit, but the process is the same either way.
Here, however, is the woman’s decision tree (highly theoretical):
Choice — PMS? — Chocolate? — ???? — Decision.
The only two things I have been able to successfully isolate as variables that apply for all variables are PMS and chocolate. PMS negatively affects decision making, chocolate positively so. However, there is also a ???? area. Where the man would have cost-benefit analysis, the woman has some sort of mystical decision making process. Perhaps, like the Roman auspices, she examines the entrails of birds. The important thing is that this ???? is WHOLLY INCONSISTENT. Given the same set of factors in the same situation, the woman will make DIFFERENT DECISIONS. This makes predicting female behavior impossible. It isn’t that she chooses the opposite decision of the man in every situation; this would be easy to predict. No. It is the equivalent of making decisions with a random number generator, dividing that number in 2 until you reach a prime number, take the cube root, and then base your decision on the color of the first person’s shirt you see. Or something. You can’t even use the Chewbacca defense because they occasionally do make sense.
Ladies, this is why men don’t get you. Nothing is guaranteed to produce a consistent result. And this mystery decision making process applies to ALL women. If any of you can provide a consistent formula for how to predict your behavior, even if it only succeeds 60% of the time, mankind as a whole will be better off.