me: Greetings, Senor Jew.
Sent at 2:01 PM on Thursday
Kevin: Greetings, Comrade Atheist. How go things?
Sent at 2:03 PM on Thursday
Kevin: Fairly well. I just got finished with a sexual harassment and ethics refresher. The network administrator and I tried to get the EEO guy to show the Sexual Harassment Panda episode of South Park.
me: I’m sorry.
Are you, in fact, a sad panda?
Kevin: No. But I couldn’t remember the episode with the child molestation, so I couldn’t bring that one up.
Not that I am a child molester either…
me: That’s what they all say. Except for the child molesters, who ironically are usually the first ones to point it out.
Kevin: True enough. That’s usually how you can figure out if somebody’s a child molester.
me: Or an off-the-cuff remark “Say, you want to grab a beer after work? We’ll watch some football, tell some jokes, and molest some children.”
If it gives them pause, they probably aren’t child molesters.
Kevin: Are you secretly a detective?
me: Or they’re teetotaling child molesters.
Kevin: Those are the second-worst kinds.
Kevin: Child molesters who get children drunk while remaining sober themselves.
me: The problem with getting children drunk is that you might accidentally kill them. They don’t have much tolerance yet.
Unless you’re a necrophiliac with a preference for children, then that might be a positive.
Kevin: Necrophiliac child molesters who get children drunk may be even worse than other child molesters who get children drunk.
That’s an interesting ethical question: is a child molester worse than a necrophiliac who doesn’t actually kill anybody? We can assume that the necrophiliac also enjoys children if it helps.
me: I assume we’re calling our necrophiliac a simple opportunist then?
Kevin: Yes, as opposed to a maker of his own destiny.
I would call the live child molester worse.
It’s hard to scar somebody mentally if they’re dead.
Unless he’s molesting zombie children.
Kevin: Zombie children don’t count, I don’t think.
me: Probably not.
What do you think?
Necrophiliac or child molester?
Kevin: It’s really tough. But knowing that they both belong in the pantheon of evil, I’d go with the child molester as worse.
Sent at 2:13 PM on Thursday
Kevin: Speaking of zombie child molestation, the network administrator here is a big comic book fan and a big zombie movie fan.
He showed me a series called The Walking Dead, about a post-apocalyptic zombie-filled world.
Sent at 2:15 PM on Thursday
me: Given that zombies require brains to survive, wouldn’t a post-apocalyptic world be the worst kind of world for a zombie? Not many people left. The Brain to Zombie ration would be very low.
Kevin: It was actually fairly interesting and because I don’t own them, I do not have the stigma of comic nerd… Anyhow, a couple of the books dealt with a power-mad town despot whose daughter was a zombie, so he kept her chained to the wall and fed her the body parts of travelers who found their town.
Zombies actually just consume flesh ravenously, but do not require it.
Max Brooks, in his definitive work on the nature of zombies (The Zombie Survival Guide), makes this clear.
me: So would zombies eat each other in a world of no zombies?
Kevin: No. They would wander around and eventually decompose.
Zombies, in the end, can’t win.
me: The Living Dead movies seem to suggest they need brains.
Kevin: That is just a media conspiracy designed to cover up the truth and entertain the masses with ever-more-impressive feats of zombie action.
Liberals are practically zombie apologists.
me: Joe Biden DOES look like the crypt keeper…
Kevin: You can trust the son of Mel Brooks on issues like that.
Biden is too stupid to be a zombie and has too much agility, at least in terms of walking around with his foot permanently in his mouth.
Max Brooks is the son of Mel Brooks?
Kevin: And considering that Mel Brooks is a noted scholar whose works include History of the World: Part 1, it makes perfect sense that his son would pick up the mantle of scholarly thought.
Would an Orthodox Jew Zombie be able to eat flesh?
It would hardly be kosher.
Kevin: It wouldn’t. But your soul is no longer available when your body becomes zombified. This is why it’s okay to put a pickaxe through your former parents, lover, or neighbor.
It is one of the few times in which it is socially acceptable to do so.
me: You have enlightened me greatly.
Kevin: The More You Know(tm).
me: Quite. I must be off, as I need to finish my reading on The Peasants of Languedoc. As it turns out, plagues are good, because they kill lots of poor people, thus raising the average amount of wealth per person.
Incidentally, I shall post this on our site.
Kevin: That’s one of the effects. Because of government (granted, very local and often religious-based) regulations, real wages did not increase nearly as much as you would have figured, so one of the few times in which poor people became much wealthier was when the labor supply diminished considerably.
Kevin: Late-n0r to you as well, sir.