I sign into Gamer’s Gate to install Master of Orion II (BTW, you can get MOO I and I for $2.98; I can’t stress enough how great a deal that is. Graphically, MOO looks 20 years old (which it is), but it’s pretty awesome all the same) and decide to check up on a game I saw and chuckled over with my wife.
Now, that’s weird enough. One gamer really, really liked it, writing:
Woodcutter Simulator review
By jamesslaytonposted 10th April 2010I personally enjoyed this game so much that five stars doesn’t seem enough for it. It is a time consuming, patience-demanding game that does everything it says it does. Someone remarked in their comments elsewhere that it took them a week to process one tree. It took me four hours to process five during my first play. But, I can understand that if you expect something quick and easy, you won’t find it here. Read the description and look at the screenshots. That is exactly what you get, nothing more. But, it is so fun! I can’t wait to purchase more these simulator games from Layernet. They have won me over!
Four hours to cut down five trees seems really dull to me, but what do I know? I search for it and guess what I found.
2011 added multiplayer, for Christ’s sake. MULTIPLAYER!! Why on earth would you want to risk the few friends you have left (I’m assuming you have few friends because you’re playing Woodcutter Simulator) by subjecting them to this game?! So what could the 2012 edition offer? I’ll let them tell you.
- For the first time clearing with the chainsaw in 1st-person-view
- New woodchip truck
- Direct delivery with trucks
- New forest areas with new tasks
- Day and night phases and varying weather
- Realistic physics
- Challenging Missions
- Detailed graphic and carefully crafted environment
- Multiplayer via network or internet
There’s something extra absurd about advertising “realistic physics” for a game about cutting down trees. And oh happy day, a new woodchip truck!!! Of course, I’d be a fool if I ignored the newest and most exciting (?) installment.
- Work with the chainsaw in 1st-person-view
- Direct delivery with trucks
- New forest areas with new tasks
- Day and night phases and varying weather
- Realistic physics
- Challenging Missions
- Detailed graphic and carefully crafted environment
- Multiplayer via network or internet
Here’s how mindnumbingly dull the game must be: they can’t even come up with a new feature list. In fact, there is one and only one difference in the promotional blurb:
The number 2013. The features list is smaller (a woodchip truck? Pfft, that’s old news!) too. If anybody has actually played these games, please post in the comments. Please.
This was a hilarious meta-review. One of the things I loved about those gaming magazines I subscribed to in high school were the terrible reviews.
Look at the bright side: at least this game has realistic physics, as opposed to something like street sweeper simulator 2011, a game so bad that I refuse to capitalize its name.
Comment by Kevin Feasel — January 8, 2013 @ 11:09 am
How hard is it to model the physics of cutting trees down? As long as they don’t hover in mid-air or go up, you’re solid.
Comment by Tony Demchak — January 9, 2013 @ 12:32 am