I thought I’d try this since it worked so well for Kevin.
Dear Sir, Madam, or Vegetable, whoever is running the Browns these days,
I am a loyal Browns fan. I actually went to a Browns game at Municipal Stadium, thus making me hardcore even if I was an infant at the time and don’t remember it.
I feel that the Browns organization is lacking direction at the moment. After a fairly successful draft, in which we acquired an awesome lineman, two capable wide receivers, and some quality linebackers (albeit projects), this season has gone to hell, not in a hand-basket, mind you, but more of a fireman’s pole. A fireman’s pole that has been greased with lard. The lard, needless to say, has been greased with more lard.
Now, I am a realist, and fully expected we would win less than half of our games this year. I would have been pleased with 7-9. Instead, we are 1-8, and are spared from another loss solely by the bye week. Now, 7-9 is still feasible, but unlikely.
Ultimately, benching Brady Quinn was a phenomenally stupid decision. Yes, I know that we would have paid him more money if we let him play, but seriously, where did you come up with that one? Our sole win of the season came in spite of Derek Anderson, not because of him. Brady Quinn cures malaria!! It’s on a blog, and therefore is now fact.
Anderson has exactly one noticeable skill – throwing deep passes. It’s all he can do. In fact, I’m fairly sure while passing the salt at the dinner table, he chucks it 60 yards, out of anyone’s reach, rather than simply passing it. When you have a brilliant receiver corps — like he did in his Pro Bowl year — you can make that work. Instead of recognizing this liability, you have chosen to embrace it, for in your infinite wisdom, a 60 yard incompletion is better than a five yard completion.
Now, in order to make your phenomenally stupid decision even more phenomenally stupid, you then trade the sole deep threat on your team to the Jets. Now, the draft day deals got us quality players, so I backed you on that. When you traded Edwards, I thought you did it for chemistry and that it impended the return of Quinn. And yet, I was wrong. You continue to insist, beyond any reasonable expectation of loyalty, that Derek Anderson gives us a better chance to win games. He doesn’t!
I understand that the former regime, particularly Romeo Crennell, was passive. Indeed, Crennell was a fatter, even more comatose Art Shell. However, there are other alternatives to doing nothing than doing everything. Phil Savage, while an excellent builder of teams, should have traded Derek Anderson after his improbable Pro Bowl season. Then, you would not have had an alternative apart from Quinn and Ratliff, who even Mangini admits sucks.
The team is in such dire straits that Jamal Lewis, the least sucky running back in Browns 2.0 history, has announced his retirement. Twice. In mid season! Thus, you have alienated your possible QB of the future, who should be the QB of the past, and you will also have no running back.
If the subtle subtext of my letter has not gotten to you, let me spell it out. PLAY BRADY QUINN. I don’t care what you do with Derek Anderson: trade him, cut him, sell him on the white slave market (there could be demand for people with a tremendous throwing arm and no accuracy in Dubai or something), or simply (my personal choice) decapitate him and spike his head on a pole as a warning to others. I’m not sure what the warning is, other than don’t be Derek Anderson, but that, my friend, is warning enough.
Also, if you reply, please tell me who is in charge of the Browns. If it turns out it’s me, let me know, because I’ve got changes to make and a pike to sharpen.
Sincerely,
The Penguatroll
36 Chambers – The Legendary Journeys
